This article by Carol Egan, featuring Peter Vidmar, was originally published on HuffingtonPost.com.
Confidence is not something we are born with or inherit. Confidence is something we grow, we develop.
When I am in my zone, when I am fully in my power, it’s like MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This” is blaring and my winning energy explodes. My coaching is strong. My insights are clear. My actions are focused. My posture is assured. Unstoppable. Kind. Patient. Generous. When I am in my zone all cylinders are on high volume.
Even if you think others are smarter than me, more accomplished than me, more skilled, more qualified, even more beautiful than me, my energy magnetizes you. My eagerness grabs you. My spirit captures you. My confidence bewitches you.
Yes, confidence bewitches.
I remember when I attended my first Anthony Robbins “Unleash The Power Within” event and he asked, “Which story is yours: you’re not good, you’re not good enough or you’re not as good as?”
Before I even thought about which story was mine, I laughed and thought about all the others that I thought were so assured, so confident, so powerful and queried, “How could they too carry a limiting story? Impossible,” I thought. But Robbins assured me and the 7000 other participants that each of us carry a version of “I am not good” and sadly for many, that story cripples them.
Imagine, even the brilliantly talented Meryl Streep writing in her book, “I have varying degrees of confidence and self-loathing… ”
And even award winning author Maya Angelou said, “I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.”
Who’da thunk it possible? Meryl Streep? Maya Angelou?
Confidence was not mine for many years of my life. My focus was on being the best Mom I could be for my son. But inside my commitment to be the best Mom I could be, I sought out opportunities to be the best me for me and I learned many things along the way about confidence. Each of these lessons came to me in the school of hard knocks,” so I feel solid in the four “slam-dunk” strategies I offer you.
Go within. You’ve got your own spin, your own mojo, your own very unique vibe that no one else can ever duplicate. But in the course of personal development, you can get so caught up in personal growth and forward movement, and so impressed by the success and accomplishments of others that you can lose relationship to the force of your own sui generis. When we go “within,” through breath work, journaling, or even through prayer, we anchor down into our primal strength, into this space that no one can touch. It is in this space, this Holy Ground that our “unconquerable soul” exists. Without a hearty, fully-developed relationship with the force within, all of our many worldly pursuits easily pull us off our center and out of our bigger life games. When we access this force within, we recognize that our confidence is only one small expression of our strength.
Go outward. If you spend time with “complacence,” alas you too will become complacent. But, if you spend time with reachers, aspirers, dreamers and doers, and even doers who fail yet try again, then you too will reach, aspire, dream, try, fail … and even try again. As Jim Rohn said, “We become the sum part of the 5 people we spend the most time with.” So if you aspire to be the best “you” you can be in any area, center down within and then seek out someone who will ask you to grow, someone who will raise your bar from what you think is possible. Someone who will challenge you, push you, prod you. As you meet each challenge, each prodding forward, each benchmark, your confidence muscle will grow.
Repetition. “Repetition is the mother of all skills,” says Anthony Robbins. By simply repeating everyday new actions, new healthy behaviors, new empowered thoughts you enforce the new behavior by flexing that muscle, in this case confidence. Let me offer you a suggestion I offer all my clients. Do you want to be confident? Every day look for three opportunities to assert your confidence, especially when reasons rise up to thwart your newfound bravery, and reasons will rise up. By flexing your confidence muscle at least 3x every day, you will feel your confidence muscle growing, just like working out your physical muscles at the gym. The coolest part of this equation is, with the efforts you extend inwardly, and the efforts you extend partnering up with others to challenge you, the alchemy of confidence will exponentially grow.
Visualization. Visualization is no woo-woo, out-in-left-field practice to increase your confidence. Olympic Gold Medalist Peter Vidmar offers us one recount on how he, with the American Olympics, included visualization practices after each work out, as they prepared for the games. In 1984, per every single detail they practiced, from the size of the crowd, to the announcer, to the routine, the American team took gold. Just like they practiced, each team member acted out winning, with confidence, and secured first place. But the visualization accounts are endless, from a 19-year-old, depressed and broke Jim Carrey writing himself a check made out to himself for $10 million dollars before he become a famous comedian; to Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hanson creating a mock-up of their book “Chicken Soup for the Soul,” on the New York Times best-seller list long before the series of inspirational books were successful.
Hands-down, I am fully confident that these real-deal, no icing-on-a-mud-pie strategies will boost your confidence in a lasting ways when practiced daily. Flex your confidence muscles and claim your big life now!
Peter Vidmar, Olympic Gymnastics Champion, is a speaker on personal achievement, risk taking, and innovation. He is also the author of Risk, Originality, and Virtuosity: The Keys to a Perfect 10.
